Carry You (With Me)
by mia2323
Summary: They were like thunder and lightning, always a millisecond away from each other no matter how hard the other tried to catch up. [Bellarke. AU-Canon. Post 2x16]


[Part 1 of 2. Post Season 2 finale. Hope you enjoy! The next part should be posted soon! It will be from Clarke's POV. All grammar mistakes are mine.]

...

She returns on a day no ordinary than the next.

Her face is sunken in and her hair it cut above her shoulders but she walks stronger. She walks like someone who has shed a past skin, someone who is no longer afraid of their demons.

He doesn't move from his spot as he watches her approach the gates of Camp Jaha. He hears his sister sigh in something that sounds like relief and a mixture pain. He glances to his left and see's a frizzy head of brown hair run past him.

It surprises him and what he assumes to be the rest of the onlookers that the first person to embrace Clarke Griffin is Jasper Jordan.

He watches as she hesitates for a moment before she wraps her arms around him, squeezing him tight. They speak a few words that he can't hear but he see's her nod her head with a sad smile, a smile that the old girl he knew would give.

It's then that he hears his sister calling his name. "What?"

She tilts her head. His sister has lost the grounder make-up but she still isn't the girl who once chased butterflies. No, she's stronger, darker and even wiser. "Aren't you going to greet the princess?" The words roll around in his head. He doesn't miss the sneer his sister has given the nickname.

Maybe not all demons have been forgotten.

He shrugs his shoulders and drops his axe from where he stood cutting up wood. "I'll find her later."

His sister gives him a sad, knowing smile. She was there when he walked back into camp alone. She was there when he drank enough of Monty's moonshine to get the screaming voices out of his head.

She was there and she understood what he felt. Well, as best as she could.

His sister nods and glances behind her to see the people rushing toward the arrival of the lost princess. Not that she was ever lost. She left.

Take care of them for me.

But that doesn't bother the rest of camp. They rejoice greatly over her return and chant her name in a way that he knew would cause her to have a psychotic break all those months ago. But he doesn't know this girl.

As he walks away with his sister at his side, he doesn't think he knew her at all.

…

The sun has almost completely set. He glances up when hears a slur of curse words and a chuckle from outside the room. He looks down and tiredly wipes his eyes before he glances up once more. The laughter has subsided and the large grin Wick was wearing grows into the sad smile that he's grown accustomed to know.

A smile everyone gives him. A smile he gets every morning when his screams keep most of his peers awake in the middle of the night.

"I'll uh- I'll be back. Forgot-forgot something."

He is left alone with Raven Reyes. He thinks back to the day she watched someone she loved be killed before her eyes. He thinks about watching her scream in agony over the monitor in the mountain that changed everyone.

He looks at her now and sees a stronger girl. A stronger woman, actually. Her leg is still no good but it doesn't slow her down. If anything, it makes her more intimidating.

He remembers in the first few weeks back at camp, how he drunkenly kissed her to get the blonde image out of his head. It was different than before when she had come to him for the same reasons. This time, she pulled away with that sad smile and told him to sleep it off.

He couldn't face her for weeks.

"What are you doing in here?"

He looks around at the piles of metal and wires around him. He wasn't sure what he was doing in here but he certainly wasn't about to go out there. So he says, "I don't know."

She nods her head and doesn't say anything as she hobbles over to her desk. She pulls around some wires before she throws them down and faces him fully. "If you're hiding out in here-."

"I'm not hiding."

She ignores him and holds out a few wires. "If you're hiding out in here." She pauses and places the wires into his open palm. "At least make yourself useful."

He nods with a frown. He pulls apart wires and attaches them to places she tells him to. He doesn't have a clue what he's doing but that's alright. His hands moving keep his brain from focusing on one task. He briefly wonders if this is why Raven likes creating things so much because she doesn't have time to think about what she's lost. What they've all lost.

They work side by side for about an hour before Raven grows tired or anxious, he isn't sure. "She looked for you." She is still fiddling with something that appears to be a flashlight in progress. "At dinner."

He doesn't need to know who she is but he's mad at the image that floats into his mind. His last image of her. Defeated, wounded, scared, brave. He tried so hard to remember her face all the months ago and now he wants nothing more than to have her image erased from his brain.

I'm not going inside.

"I know you're-." Raven pauses and chews on her lip before she looks at him. "I actually don't know what you are but someone you care about is here." She looks down. "Is alive and looking for you."

He thinks about Spacewalker. Dead man walking. Tearing up an entire village for someone else beside the girl next to him. He wonders what that feels like.

"I'm not saying you have to be nice to her because lord knows I'll be pissed at her for awhile but-." She shrugs for what seems like the hundredth time before looking at him. "She's here."

She's here.

He nods and they fall back into silence before she hands him another pile of wires.

…

He should have known that she would come find him before he went to find her.

Brave princess.

He glances up from the papers on his makeshift desk and watches her hold the covers of his tent behind her with a strange look on her face. A face of hers that he hasn't seen. It doesn't look right on her but it suits her at the same time. He can't look at her for long.

"You're a hard man to find."

Take care of them for me.

He doesn't respond because the thoughts in his head aren't pleasant. He wants to tell her he isn't hard to find because he never left. He wants to tell her to fuck off but he is selfish and he's still aching from hearing her voice in such a close proximity.

"Where did you go?" He looks at her then and see's the question he asked her months ago wash over her face. Where are you going to go?

"A lot of places." She tucks a short piece of blonde hair behind her ear. "I saw the ocean." She's smiling softly at him. He doesn't return it and if it sets her back, she doesn't let it show. "I went to-.."

"I have a busy day tomorrow. I can't really trade stories right now." His voice is hard and rough. He thinks about the first conversation he had with her and how he spoke to her in hate and distrust. He doesn't hate her now but he certainly doesn't trust her and from the look on her face, she knows it too.

"Right, of course." Her voice catches and he hates how he stares at her face long enough to see the familiar sad smile make it's way toward her lips.

He nods and turns his back on her.

There isn't any sound but he knows she hasn't left. It takes everything in him not to turn around and look at her.

"You've changed."

He thinks about the past year. All the blood that was shed. All the blood on his hands. All the screaming pleas for help in his head.

He doesn't turn toward her as he says, "I had to."

He knows she's gone before he turns around.

…

The days grow shorter.

He talks to Kane about the upcoming winter. They were hurt last year but as he knows, a lot changes in a year. They have crops now that they harvested weeks ago. They have food in the freezer Raven and Wick had built in the spring.

They won't be totally safe but he knows they will survive better than last year.

"So, how are you doing?"

All other officers and patrolmen are leaving the room. He turns to Kane with a twist in his brow and his lips turned in confusion.

The older man offers him a small smile. "Clarke's back."

That's all anyone can talk about recently. It drives him insane. He nods his head and fixes the gun strap that's strung across his chest. He saw her earlier at breakfast but he couldn't find it in him to sit next to her like he once did. His hands shook as he walked past her with his ration of dried up fruit and a weird kind of oatmeal.

"Clarke's back." He repeats the words with a small nod. Kane gives him a strange look and if he wasn't already so anxious and annoyed with the mention of her, he would insist on whatever was on the older man's mind but not today. "I'd like the go out with the hunters."

The hunters. A few men he and Kane and selected last spring to go out and get animals from the traps Lincoln had helped them make and to hunt in general. He has never gone on a hunt before.

Kane looks at him for a moment but nods.

He is grateful Kane didn't ask why. Mostly because he didn't have an answer.

…

The woods make things easier.

His breath puffs around him in clouds of white and his lips break from the cold. He would rather stand in the freezing cold than be around Clarke Griffin. Clarke Griffin, the girl who sets fire to his bones. The girl he would kill for. The girl he would die for.

He spots a deer in the distance. A small fragile deer with one head, not two.

The deer freezes when it hears him step on a branch but continues to chew on a branch sticking out of the ground. The animals aren't afraid of them much here. It terrifies him in a way.

He holds up his gun and focuses on the target, the head.

It's then that the deer turns its head and stares at him. He feels his finger shake on the trigger before he lowers the gun completely toward his side. The deer continues to chew on the branch.

He hears a gunshot go off behind him. A boy named Noah shoots toward the deer again and misses.

The deer jumps away and he feels his blood boil.

He takes his steps two at a time before he pushes the boy up against a tree.

"What were you thinking!"

The boy's face grows red. "You-you told us to shoot anything we saw." He thinks about the deer. The helpless deer. He thinks about the children in the mountain. He thinks about the screaming.

His vision sways and his grip loosens. He hears someone call his name before he falls toward the ground.

…

When he wakes up he sees a halo at the end of the metal table he's sprawled across.

He blinks quickly and sits up, until to feel his vision start to blur once again. He lays back onto the table and squeezes his eyes shut.

"You're dehydrated."

Of course it's her. Her voice is soft and raspy and he soaks up in it. He feels a pain in the back of his skull and he doesn't have to touch it to know there's a bump behind his right ear.

He squeezes his eyes shut tightly before he opens them again. He lays down still but when he opens his eyes, his vision is fine. He glances at her and watches as she chews on her lip. Her eyes are red and wide. He wonders when the last time she slept was.

"Two days ago." He realizes he asked his question aloud. "You've been out for awhile."

He feels it in his bones as he wiggles his toes. He takes a breath and hopes that he can sit up without falling over. Luckily, he can.

He turns himself so both of his feet are on the ground. He brings a hand and rubs the spot behind his ear, wincing as he does so. He takes a few deep breaths before he looks at her.

She's wearing her old green t-shirt. He thinks about the last time he saw her in it. His hands were bloody and so were hers. Who we are and what we do to survive are two very different things.

"You cried out in your sleep." She says suddenly with such urgency that he can't help but stare at her. "You cried out my name." This time her voice isn't as urgent and it's so soft that he wonders if the bump on his head imagined it.

He looks at the ground regardless of his imagination. He can't think about this. He can't think about her. He can't be around her. It hurts. It all hurts.

"Bellamy-."

"I'd like you to go." His voice is raspy. She gives him a small sigh but she listens.

He nods his head to nothing but himself as he throws the cup beside him toward the wall.

…

On the first snowfall of the year, his sister laughs loudly and dances in circles.

He thinks about a different time and a different place for a brief moment before he settles in the now.

His hands are wrapped in mittens and he hears everyone dancing and laughing around him. He even see's Monty and Miller kiss.

He watches Lincoln smile before he runs toward his sister, picking her up and spinning her in the air.

There are forty-three of the original hundred left. He glances beyond his sister and see's the familiar blonde. Forty-four.

It got easier to be around her, in a business sense. She's intelligent and she offers advice when it comes to discussing trade with the Ice Clan. Her voice isn't as guarded as it was before. If anything, it's more open, more loving.

Love is weakness.

As he glances at her again. He wonders if maybe the words are true after all.

…

Spring comes slowly.

The first snowfall is a distant memory as the snow continues to pile around them. He watches Harper sigh as she kicks a pile of snow. He watches as Monty stares hopefully at the ground awakening underneath.

His dreams aren't as haunting. He doesn't dream about behind held upside down. He doesn't dream of being chained.

He still dreams of the screams of lost children.

He doesn't think those will ever leave him but as he spots a dark blue flower emerging from the cold earth, he thinks that maybe one day, he'll be okay.

…

She leaves again in the late spring.

He is five feet behind her this time, as are a handful of others.

He watches as she talks with her hands to Lincoln and Octavia. The line in his sisters brow is still there as she listens on but he knows she is no longer filled with the fire as she once was. She told him that forgiveness is easier.

Forgiveness. The word sits strange on his tongue. He wants to forgive her and maybe he has but being around her is toxic.

Being around her makes him feel like nothing.

Being around her makes him feel like he isn't enough but has he ever been enough? He couldn't make her stay and he knows he has to let that go but he can't.

He can't get the image of her walking away and he can't let go of the months he lived afterward. The pain. The sadness. The anger.

They were like thunder and lightning, always a millisecond away from each other no matter how hard the other tried to catch up. It always seemed to be him catching up to her or at least trying to. Looking at you, princess.

He shakes his head as he marches on, always following behind her.

A knight to a princess.

A queen to a lionheart.

…

The Commander that betrayed them over a year and a half ago stands tall before him, as if her decision didn't haunt the rest of them. Her eyes roam around the room before they land on what he assumes they were looking for.

He follows her gaze and see's Clarke staring at the floor, her tongue pushed up against her cheek as the Commander talks about another alliance.

He doesn't think before he speaks. "Didn't do that well for us last time."

He feels her eyes on him but his eyes never leave the Commander's form. She swallows and turns her attention toward him. "I did what you would have done for your people."

He feels angry. The anger he feels continues to grow. "I made a promise to your people." He thinks briefly of the girl in the cage next to his. "I keep my promises."

The Commander looks at him expressionless. "Let me ask you this, Bellamy Blake." He hates how she says his name. She clears her throat. "Would you be willing to risk your people to save only but a few?"

The question is pointless. What's done is done. However, he doesn't break her gaze. "I would keep my promise." She turns away from him and pauses for a moment before she continues in her speech about another alliance, a truce of sorts.

He watches Kane's face as the Commander finishes speaking. His face is stone and his face unlike the Commander's, is filled with emotion. He was there in the mountain. He knew the pain. He knew the grief.

"We'll need some time to think it over."

The Commander nods solemnly. "Three days." She turns toward Clarke. "I would like to speak privately with Clarke of the Sky people."

He turns his head and see's Clarke smirk and shake her head. She looks angry but she stays as they all file out.

He stares at the tent for what feels like hours before Clarke emerges. Her eyes are narrowed and her cheeks are red. He wants to ask her what happened but he doesn't. He only follows her silently back to camp.

…

They don't take the alliance.

It surprises him and doesn't surprise him that Clarke is against it. He only knows because he peeks during the voting process.

It makes him sleep lighter than ever.

…

He's in the woods again.

His head is lighter from the summer haircut Octavia had given him. It's shorter than he's used to but he's happy about the fact that he doesn't have to brush the hair out of his eyes.

He spots a deer in the middle of ruins.

He doesn't have a gun on him but he wouldn't shoot if he had. He stares at the animal in amazement and envy.

There's a noise. The deer jumps away. He turns his head slowly after the deer has gone to come face to face with Clarke Griffin. This is the first time they've been alone in weeks. Month's maybe.

"Oh – sorry." She mumbles out. Her hair is longer. Not as long as it was but longer than it was for her return. His heart doesn't feel as heavy at the sight of her. Forgiveness is easier. Octavia's voice rings around his ears.

"It's alright." He nods slowly and shoves his hands into his pockets as he stands up. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh- I'm looking for you, actually."

He flashes to a distant memory. Things were different then. Things are different now.

He doesn't say anything but looks at her in approval for her to continue. Words would fail him if he were to speak.

"Right." She glances at the ground before glancing up at him. "I'm sorry for leaving." Her words are late but again they both were never really good on timing. "If I knew –." She chokes on her words before she continues. "If I knew it would make you hate me this much, I wouldn't have left. I just.. I just wanted you to know."

She looks at him.

He looks at her.

She nods slowly and starts to turn around.

"I don't hate you, Clarke." Her shoulders sink at his words. Her face softer at the tone of his voice. "The opposite, really."

She stills. He continues.

"I think that's why it hurt so bad." He can't make the words stop. "Because you left and I couldn't hate you for it. I couldn't hate anything about you because I loved you."

There's silence between them.

"Do you- do you still-." The words hang around the air around them.

"I don't know." He answers truthfully. Everything feels still between them. "But I could."

She takes in his words and offers him a small smile. "Okay."

He nods slowly. He wonders about the Greek Gods he read stories upon stories about. He wonders if Earth and all its wonders is hell or heaven.

He reaches for her slowly and without speaking, grasps her hand as they walk back toward camp together. Hand in hand.

In a different life, they might have done this earlier but it's not. This is their life. She acts with her head, he acts with his heart.

He doesn't know what will happen tomorrow or the day after that but he knows that she is here and she is with him. And it's more than any story he could ever read or write.

…

It takes them awhile to fall back together.

He's stubborn and she's even worse.

But eventually they do and eventually, years after their bodies are deep in the dark soil of the earth, tales of them will be told.

Tales about a brave girl and the boy who waited for her.

...

[Come hangout with me on tumblr :) bellarkeymia]


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